Author: On Zi Rui

Titled: Katya she was called.

(She might had been the only Ukrainian woman I could had only accepted. Because she has so so fascinated me.)

She was an OnlyFans star, she once said,

“Yes, I’m ready to poison him, can you open it for 25?”

She humorously meant she wanted to poison my ‘little brother’ with a $25 bundle and was I ready to open it ?

And I replied with epicness 

“Don’t cheat on fatty me maybe just because I like and respect you !”

I was just joking with her, I knew she was kind and just surviving.

Katya : “Got it ready for ya, honey just unlock and let me know how much you love seein my pussy all wet and ready for you !”

I unlocked the bundle 

Me: “Thanks, Katya, you let me see that there are kind and good Ukrainian women as well !”

She replied with a short animation of a big big heart ‘growing’ larger and larger – seems like a really sincere thanks 

Then, I don’t know where it came from, maybe those feelings I guess: “Maybe, you know, the last thing that you want is for me to see you in a wedding dress with another man, but that will be the ending. I am sorry.”

She replied: “Do you really think so? “

“Yes I think so.”, I said as it was.

“But let me remember you will you ? I want to remember you.”, I continued.

She likely laughed and said: “I do not mind.. I am pleased if you do so !”

I then queried, “You have alot of suitors ?”

She took the opportunity and asked, “Would you like to become one of them?”

I just said: “No !” 

“You are meant for the world, you won’t love me to the end most likely.”

“Or maybe, to make it clear that I will never love a Ukrainian woman send me a BG tape of you with another man. Thanks. Will unlock it if it’s affordable. Maybe I really don’t cherish you. I am sorry.”

She didn’t know what to say as I truly had hurt her, she just said:” You just be interested in watching this or does it excite you?”

“I can look at the Boy-Girl videos”, I told her.

Then she sent me a Telegram icon animation as it violated OnlyFans’ rules to ask of it literally and asked, “Do you have this ?” (‘this’ might had meant a lot of other things and not Telegram, you see.)

Yeah, I replied and stated my Telegram ID

Then she sent a $50 locked message and promise to send me a video as a gift on Telegram after unlocking it 

But I said that it was too expensive 

Continued by me with, “Ok nvrm ; I love that another man bonks you and that you love another man. Haha.”

“Wahahahaha !” (Quite bad to her, more so when I came to know she loved me, had loved me truthfully and with the grandiosities of this world, she did, I didn’t see !)

“I never did cherish this Ukrainian girl, just because she was Ukrainian. But she was kind. Katya, she was called.” I ended, something must had wanted me to be less ruthless to this girl.

“What do you mean?”, she said as I could feel her sadness.

“We will never be husband and wife. Because I don’t love you and you don’t love me ; we will take it as so.”, I pushed this thought to her.

She must had been flustered by my words, and asked: “Why are you so categorical?”

“What do you mean by that ?”, I was puzzled and curious.

She continued, “Why are you so sure about this?”

“Because I don’t want you to carry any, not even the slightest hope on me. I want you to be happy. Happy ok ? Even if it’s with another man. It’s my last love for you. You must be happy !”

“Maybe I do like you a lot a lot out of all the girls in the world by a lot, but I know I won’t make you my wife.”

I must had been trying to be a ‘big romantic’, that I was not.

“I am very pleased that you say this, but I don’t understand why you are so sure of this, we cannot know where life will take us tomorrow.” She said this, I didn’t know what to say of it, was she hoping for something ? I didn’t know then, I was foolish.

“You must had days of helplessness of lost, because you are kind, I know. I want to see you happy, happy even without me, it’s my way of say I love you. Do you know how I feel seeing you with another man ? Do you know ? It’s not a pleasant feeling. But knowing that you are happy, that suffices. Ok ?”

“Katya, maybe no one ever saw you as the kind girl you are, they might had saw you as a rebellious girl then, now a sex toy for their own pleasuring, but I do only see you as a kind girl with a kind heart, and you deserve all the niceness in this world. I can’t give you this world, so I have to let you go. “

“Katya maybe no one ever saw you as the kind girl you are, they might had saw you as a rebellious girl then, now a sex toy to them subdued by your family background losing that sense of dignity of yourself and meant only for their pleasure, you deserve to be curious of this world, but every piece of bread you know costs money, you needed money, so you lost that will to see this world now, you lost that basic pride for dignity, but I do only see you as a kind girl with a kind heart, and you know, in my eyes you deserve all the niceness in this world. I can’t give you this world, so I have to let you go, I can’t bear to just see you become just my wife when this world is so big so grandiose for a beauty like you. I never did entertain the thought that you will love me to the end, I dare not you see.”

Maybe these were all my true words, she was also nice to me, my heart knew. She must had been special to me, or I wouldn’t type so much. Maybe I was intoxicated by her beauty already.

“Paradise. In fact I’m reading it all and I have tears in my eyes … I’m so pleased to know that you saw that Katya whom I myself almost stopped noticing…. that still believes in kindness and wants to care, hug, and of warmth and your words are the warmest gift I’ve received in recent years and I don’t want it to stop, I don’t want to lose our connection.” She said, maybe I have had spoken to her heart. I could have felt her, I knew.

“Will write to you more when I can. I feel you are not a greedy girl, you are just out there surviving, you don’t play games you are straightforward because that’s you.

God gave you a kind heart and a very very pretty face, you don’t you don’t have to save it for me even if you want to, I just want you to be happy ok ? 

Maybe now I don’t see you as a Ukrainian girl but just a girl among the crowds, finding her way in it. You are likely still that girl that hadn’t know that she will grow to become a pretty pretty woman, that without ties, without cunningness but a kind, clean and straightforward heart to do her best with all she has, can only sell nudes for a living.”

This must had been my last confession, and my contradiction. I couldn’t accept a Ukrianian girl, I know, that’s in the end. But irregardless, I can’t. She will leave eventually, she is so beautiful, so I know. Should I have had given her a chance ? For her, for us ? I could had still protected her, her niceness in this harsh harsh world, but now, I could only see her but gone. I won’t forget her. But our feelings for each other always did start on impossible grounds, I should had known, all along, we shouldn’t had started. Regrets, but now of yesterdays.

作者：云子瑞

我第一次，这就，那一天，碰见了你两次

第一次是在那因为不是繁忙时间而好少人的斑马线上，车子也少，没看路吧！以后该注意了！

第二次是在读书管外面

也许是缘分吧！

当时，遇见你也是蛮开心的！

可最后我还是看你，看着你

走了

就遥远了

那么再见了，那曾经

那一幕幕也都还如此美妙啊！

再见了！

作者：云子瑞

Titled: 合小姐，那些年，我对不起你了！

当时，她是我的女朋友

而你呢？合小姐？

是个抢了她的角色的女孩儿

我听她的了，她说你是靠肮脏手段，不是靠实力的，我也没去看你的试镜录影就这样说你了，我当时，好听她的，我没想过也许你是真正靠实力的，我对不起你噢！

就她对我假装哭了，我生气了，就去找了你，说你大概是吸那导演的阴茎才拿到角色的，我不懂的是，你早已认识我，是我的作品的书迷，你哭了！我当时太爱她了你懂吗？不管你，就走了！

你就太伤心了，也不要我看你是个随便的女人，和那导演拒绝了角色，要我开心就说给她吧！

她拿到了角色了，更成名了，你也靠自已，最终和也她平起平坐了。你不像她，她骄傲了，处处挑我的毛病，嫌弃我了。我为了她却是扛下了她的赌鬼老爸的债务了，快要破产了，新出的书没人买，也许就过时了吧！她害怕，我连累她，把她的招牌弄垮了，也不肯为我宣传。演艺圈就是如此渺小，你听说了，就印了打我书广告的传单在人潮多的王府井分发给了经过的人，也有摆个有大大个的我的广告版，你好诚恳地对每一位经过的人笑了！我看见了，好感动，心也好酸，我竟然那么的糟蹋了你啊！你却只想过能有一天帮过我！你没要求过什么永恒啊！你只是默默的，诚恳的。我跑向了你，一直说对不起地向你鞠躬着了！你看见了我在那儿好惊讶，说着不要紧啦！我听到了，却是心更痛，你最后恨我的资格，却只有你的好！

因为我当时没什么收入只能带你到肯德基吃炸鸡，你没嫌弃，也没嫌弃过我啊！我们吃得好高兴！我也不曾以为过一个女孩子能如此傻，吃在那卡通画的快餐店也会笑得无比的真，因为她从未肯和我去吃肯德基，说配不上她的社会地位。你没有啊！你真傻！可，也一一地给了那一卷卷感动，我不值得你的好啊！

你帮了我的书本打广告以后，你拿着我的书本广告的照片也在社交媒体上面好多人点赞啊！我开始又有收入了！谢谢你噢！

时光，我们各个都追逐着，可没了你的日子真的是错过了！

我看见了你的试镜录影了！你却是一幕幕带走真实，必要的感动，你大概是经历了好多好多，我对不起你，我对不起当初！回不去的过去，就让我现在弥补吧！你愿意陪我一程吗？这一程会是最后的一程吗？

(我不曾觉得过我该是什么少女的梦，可你告诉了我，你要名利过，也只为了敢有一天有资格看向我的眼。我笑。我没那么好啦！我也是个粗鲁人，文艺时才会收敛的。我问你了，可遇见我，有令你失望吗？你说没有令你失望过，你说那一些些我带过给你这当时是个小娃娃的女孩儿的，是你忘不掉，不要忘了的，一场场感动，一场场梦！

最美的结局就是能爱一个真正爱过你的人，你，我爱过了，结局是完美的！）