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Author: On Zi Rui

Pamphlet Titled: Hannah Richards, the world and all its fascination were always meant for you.

(You are so precious you know that ?)

And/Or

Pamphlet Titled: 一目目忘不了

And/Or

Pamphlet Titled: 一幕幕忘不了

And/Or

Pamphlet Titled: 一目目都忘不了

And/Or

Pamphlet Titled: 一幕幕都忘不了

And/Or

Pamphlet Titled: 缭乱城市

(当时, 那城市也好缭乱噢！可当中，我遇见了你！那是我最高兴的时候了！)

I 

To Hannah Richards, that girl of my dreams and of my hope :

I loved you

Even when the world told me I can’t 

I still did !

It was those thoughtless years where I would often send you poems after poems with emojis, those were of you 

Wishing that you would only have smiled upon 

They were my happiest days 

I would give anything up just for them – to happen again !

I know it’s impossible now – you have occupied such status – but I am just still that vagabond poet – I am now lost in this world – maybe it had always always been so 

I really can’t forget those years when I did had you ! Again, those were the loveliest purest of those days !

我爱你

会爱到永远的

就算要用永远来证明这份爱

我也不惧

因为我真的爱过！

那些年，太完美了

你知道吗？

II (Titled: I called her a mixed dog !)

(她一笑带过，心里头，大概只有无奈吧！我对不起她噢！）

爱凌

她说她没有要过这全世界

只有要过我

可我一路来都叫她mixed dog

她说她对这世界如此高傲

可不懂为何为了我变得如此狼狈

就只要过我的认可，我的爱惜，就这样罢了，她问这有错吗？错的也许是爱我吧！

我懂我们不是会有什么好结局的

我就在她面前吻了其他一个女孩儿，逼迫她走了！她真的走了！是泪光洒落在地上的，好失望好失望地走的了！不是我没珍惜过，是我懂，我不该有她！

这世间太美了

她也能拥有太多了

没了我，她依然会快乐的！

我假装听不见看不见了，她当时对我的表白，对我的好，这也许是最好的安排吧！

曾经随日起日落消失了

仅存在回忆里，在那些储存卡里

可也许我也是有过多么盼望过拥有你的

只是我还是选择了，看你从我怀里飞翔去了！

对我而言，你没有过需要我这好穷的大傻瓜，你也好优秀，家境又好，所以我不追回你的了！

看你走 ，也许是我这一世最傻的一刻了吧！

再见了！你会幸福的！

III (Titled: A curry rice boy who dared thought of bringing home a doctor wife !)

Maybe during those years 

Having a doctor wife was one of my dreams

Those years but long gone, away they went !

But I always do have a soft spot for female unmarried doctors 

Maybe it’s their mostly kindness, of their abilities

I laugh at those years now, that I was wearing loosely fitted (to save money) brand-less clothings, what audacity to then had thought of having a doctor wife !

But I was always audacious, even the sands of time can’t bring away of such, I am certain ! Maybe I was always certain, maybe it was all part of God’s means !

Maybe one day I will have a doctor wife 

But maybe that day will never come 

At that Raffles clinic at that row of HDB shophouse in Bishan, I couldn’t forget those soft, kind eyes !

Maybe without me will be all for the better !

Maybe we will never meet ever again, but goodbyes are the prettiest when they are the last ! So goodbye my dear, byes with all my heart !

IV

To Hannah Richards, the girl that I so wilfully and foolishly chased after, maybe all along I was just hoping for some kind of chance: 

In the end, we didn’t end with each other !

You were that Oxford white girl

I was just that chubby man who didn’t even graduated from some moderately prestige Bachelors degree 

You were always the most prized prize in those deepest feelings of mine 

You didn’t have to understand my those feelings of insufficiencies – a girl like you – I can only dream of – we were never meant to be together – you are too good – I was never good enough for that you – the laughable thing that I never knew was that you did have feelings for me – but was too afraid of getting rejected by that sometimes also un-reciprocal me, maybe it’s all because I was too tired from my blue-collar additional job, I was hoping to catch up in the game of getting a house before marriage, and always felt you deserved a big big house ! I am sorry for being like some dumb stone during those days. You were really precious to me ! Nothing did take away the preciousness of you to that rugged me !

You were a princess, meant for some princess-like happy ending 

I could never give you it, I am sorry !

I tried fighting the waves of fate, but I never was great enough to overcome its voracity ! Alas, I was washed ashore when all I had wanted was to be brave enough to tell you: “ Hannah Richards, I On Zi Rui, will only love you with all my heart in this life and every one, every bloody one after ! I love you, I really do love you !” But I knew of those what positions that life had given me, I dared not, I feared that you would laugh at me, I feared that you would despise me, I feared that I couldn’t had given you happiness ! It’s all you, it’s always been all you, never had I loved someone so deeply, so truthfully, I guess we were always meant to had met, because I couldn’t forget those feelings ! I never did need you to love me back if you didn’t want to, maybe all that I had just wanted was to see you smile ! Without me, you will still find happiness and that suffices ! I never did seek to possess you against you, because that’s selfish, you are the last person in this world that I can bear to ever be selfish to !

Hannah Richards, live without me if it’s came to so, never look back, as you are a a beautiful formel, I was just that man that truthfully sought to cherish you, maybe those years that I had saw you greater then you were then, will eventually mean something to you in those very ends, I was just never good enough to see through an ‘us’ in the very end ! I will regret it, but I know I will regret more for not loving before ! So I will be brave, you be brave too without me !

When I was with you, I felt nothing in this world could had conquered me ! Those were the happiest years ! Goodbyes !

V

关于现在和过去

我最爱的是你，还是你

我不需要什么明星，我不需要这世界的璀璨，若是你就足以了

不管时间过了多久，依然是抱着那对你的最深感觉，我不是很懂如何描述，也许是我舍不得你已不在我身旁了，好舍不得看见你在的是其他男人的怀抱中！也许你都不必懂的！可我对你真诚，真纯过！我不会为了任何东西，而牺牲再看得见你的机会的！我懂你不爱了，我不会打扰的，只是希望有一天你的心会开一些空格给我，若那一天来，我会尽量补掉这一个空格的！

你不会懂、我有多爱过你的！

可曾经和现在，我依然不变，对你变不了啊！

你也曾是我的最美过！

当时，当初，最美了！

对你就算一厢情愿也不悔

因为那些感觉是真的！

我不会忘了你的！

答应我，也别忘了我！

别忘了我，好吗？

VI

在那有好多人的咖啡厅

我好迷失了自已

我也曾在他们这么多位中，在你面前展示我的潇洒，你懂吗，只有在你面前我有过这样

因为我是很喜欢，很喜欢你的

这世间不必知道我当时的诚恳

可它也不能否认那一些真正爱过

我真正爱过你啊！

不管这世界当时的浪潮多凶猛，取笑声多少，我没有过一次放弃过能爱你，因为那是最单纯的爱，用自已的仅有的一切去爱，那是最真实的爱！然而我也没更爱一个人了！你是我的最爱过吧！

不管当时浪潮多猛时的爱的我，最终也被世间的最后一个个失望击溃了！我不够好，至始至终不值得拥有你，这最后的我，已憔悴了，面对着它了！好多失望噢！这世间也给了我好多失望噢！可我懂，内心，一想起当年，当初当时的最单纯最真诚的爱，也没白白过了！我为了你也抵挡过世界当时一切丢向我的不公吧！为了你，我才知，没什么我不可能做的，害怕的唯有你失望吧！也许，世界给我多少失望都不要紧，我只希望不会再希望过了！

人来人往，我的脑海里慢慢迷失在人海中了，那些面孔没有你的真实，可这是我骗自已没了你我还好的方法罢了！

你是我的最爱过，你懂吗？你不会懂的！

我真的爱过你！

已过去了！

VII

Hannah Richards

I will conquer this world, if it’s for you, if it’s so that I have the rights to ask for you

If you ask, if you would just ask !

I had only ever felt inferior to you 

You were always that princess that I never felt good enough for 

You deserve the world and all its sparkly stuff

I want you so much, you will never know

I can’t forget that infectious smile of yours ! I will remember you for in this world and everyone after ! You were once my everything, you know that ? You were always my dear dear dearest girl, always were !

VIII

I never did know if you will wait for me 

But deep inside, I truly hoped that you will 

I had never forgotten of your kindness 

Those days ; those years ; they were the loveliest ; as our hearts were of the purest ; but you are now so many kilometres away from me from me, from ‘us’ ; I can’t bear of such distances anymore ; I will just pounce over to hug you without any hesitation if I were to see you again ; I  had missed you, I really had ! I can only think of those years now.

I am just that man that had truly adored you ; the way you had treated me I will never forget for my life !

也许，你对过我的好，我今世无法报答了！那么对不起！来世吧！来世我一定报答你的！一定！

IX

The world and its eccentricities don’t matter if it’s without you, Hannah Richards

The world and all its glamour I guess must have always been because of you 

I had never forgotten those days when you were nice to me. They were the best of days.

I can’t forget you. I can’t. I still dream of you !

X

那铁车好快的地经过

我好像看见你了

你是那我在酒店楼下的咖啡厅认识的那韩国女服务员吗？

那些夜晚我忘不了

我不想错过了，可看见的也是一位洋人靠着了你了！

这也不是我想要的，也许怪我当时能拥有你时，没把握住吧！

一切曾经也是你

当初，当时最真纯

回不到过去了啊！

XI

Hannah Richards, nothing will change my love for you 

When I was just that man among the overcrowding crowds, you fell in love with me, we danced ourselves along those empty but yet lively streets (those streetlights must had played their magic, those were the loveliest of years !)

You never did have to choose me, you had many choices, absolutely many, but you did, your kindness then brightened my world, like no one else ever did, you were the best that I ever had 

I will never give you up for the world, because it wasn’t the world that gave me kindness when I so asked for it, it wasn’t you, it has always been you 

Lost among the seas of human is not to be fearful of, what’s fearful of, is to not be able to see you again ! 

You mean the world to me, nothing less, when the world was against me, you had never given up hope on me, I will never forget what that meant to me ! The world was once never nice, you were then the nicest, the light, the world became nice when I succeeded, but you left leaving me to see the world alone yet again, what’s all these achievements if it’s without you ? I know now, that all that I had wanted all of the fucking time, was you. You would suffice and never was it the world ! I promise you, I will never let you go off without telling me again, if you will just come back ! Will you come back ?

XII

我在那“龙虾王”的摊位看见了你

你在那儿卖着泡饭

是从中国来的

你当时带着一个好纯洁的笑容噢！

都是那些年了，可就是紧印着在了我的心里了

当年，当初是最美丽的！

再见了

失去也就成了当年的证明了！

XIII

没了你世界不美了

忘不掉的是和你也算卑微过的时候吧！

当初，当时，最美丽的了

我喊，喊着要你回来

可都懂不可能的了

就让当时，当初成为以往吧！

懂，这是我的最后祝福，最后成全！

那么别理我的泪水，地走去了吧.

再见了，我的永远爱人！

我还爱着呢！

XIV (Titled: 过年准备，去的百货公司)

百货公司要结束今天的一天之前的半个小时都会通知顾客要关了

在十五分钟之前又会通知，五分钟之前又再通知

半个小时以后就会开始关灯又开灯的，好想要说：“你真的也该走了！我生气了！”

有时或者说当时我想这么好的地方，有各种名牌正宗的玩具，是像我这也不能拥有的孩子的天堂，只是陪着家人去了，大多是过年，大多陪他们买他们的东西，自已几件衣，百货公司又有冷气耶！我瘦小的外婆去那儿时，都会带个外衣，以防万一对她太冷了！

有时，在那百货公司关闭灯光时，当还有好少的人时，大多都抱着好多已付了的物品走了，我也感到一些刺激，一些的叛逆，有想过我会不会遇到坏人变成被那一个那一个在报章被拐走的小男孩儿们，有时我不懂为什么会这么轻易能绑架掉一个小孩儿，有时候又如此清晰，在那黑暗中吧，也许就有这一些较脆弱的时候吧，质疑也许就这样“碰 !”出来了，如此情景也好奇妙吧！

XV

看见了你这一个中国女孩儿

一个人吃三盘饺子

当时我帅气地吓到耶！

然而认识了你，你在新加坡的房地产公司做经理，人好直率噢！

可像你性格那么优秀的女孩儿从一开始就我得不到的，这我慢慢的，懂了！

可至今还是有那希望吧！希望你会回头，看那我 – 已为了你变成了好狼狈的样子了啊！

XVI (Titled：我后悔没真正地去爱过你！)

我后悔没真正，真正地爱过你！

看见其他情侣去的是高昂的餐馆

带你的却是熟食中心！

看见其他情侣去的是奢华级的电影院

自已却是四处找翻版的CD在家里和你看吧！

有时那个卖disk的人还骗人，CD里头只是A片，你只是笑着，说以后不要被骗了，地继续和我看了！

我是想剩点钱，可也带走了浪漫，和你对我的信任，你大概有想过，对我钱还是你重要吧！当时我无知，把一切当作了理所当然，对不起了！

其他情侣求婚是有钻石戒指的，我也只买了一个普通夜市里的给了你，你也没嫌弃！

我当时早该懂你有多珍贵了！可没失去过的人，怎么知道珍惜啊？我当时就是少了失落，是个卑鄙无耻不懂得真正爱你的王八蛋！

我后悔当初，可紧知回不到当时了

现在只想弥补，你能给我此机会吗？

我不想再也不能爱你了！

往往，人是失去了，或没有过，才懂得珍惜的

没了你的日子的难受，让我懂了，懂了！回来吧！我不再是以前那自私自利的大大坏蛋了！不是的了！我还爱，还爱着啊！

XVII

(Titled: 你给过我的爱，我不会忘的了！

And/Or

Titled: 你给过我的爱，我不会忘了的！)

你给了我你最美的那些年少时期

回不去了

可就是好多好多遗憾！

不忘了你的好过

可终究心中就是有那一滋滋不舍啊！

我没有给过你什么

因为家境并不富有

可你说过，我带给你的笑容足以你这一辈子了，你当时那笑容有多漂亮，你懂吗？

外面的世界有多大，我还抱着当初的温柔，陪我度过到世间完毕为此

我不会忘了你的，小曼小姐！不会的！

我也最爱过你的了！

XVIII (Titled：你说你懂事了！)

为何你我的爱要经过这么多的考验，才明白彼此是真爱彼此的！

你说你懂事了！

可你懂吗？你已把我伤害得伤痕累累了，反复地啊，现在连爱一个人的勇气都没了啊！

看见你那也憔悴了的脸

也许你真的知错了

为何明明相爱，却无法遵守那一些承诺啊？

也许太自豪，不认罪了

就怪这世界吧！它就摆在那里，就怪它吧！

那些璀璨和诱惑也在它其中啊！

你认真了

可也许我要的是再看这一个世界啊！再看啊！

心底 – 却是懂如此想要回你的 – 就那一句接受了 – 可懂逞强着不爱了，逞强着不是victim，逞强着大坏蛋是我，才不会再被伤害了，才不难受了！你不会懂我坠落到的现在的地步的了，我不能被你再伤害了，你懂吗？不能了！

*对自已笑着，你看着你失落地跑走了！

(也许这场爱没有过必要开始的！就那一些笑容和快乐还算吗？也许还是怀念着吧！不说了！想起过去还是感到不好受的！

最后 – 再见了, 小鞠 – 做梦都还想见你的我，害怕再被伤害，还是把你放走了！最后，你也走了啊！)

XIX

Hannah Richards 你能否认我的一切

但不能否认我对过你的用情

我是好用心写这一个个爱意给你的啊！

成为一个不懂得，没给过你爱的人，我想要当啊！你懂吗？

我真的好爱过你噢！

一切的一切能过去了

可爱过那你

我不会忘了！

也是我最美的一刻啊！

XX (Titled：聘请女佣的店面)

(我经过的一间聘请女佣的店面，那些女佣都坐着在里头的椅子上，有的热情招待来光临的顾客。大多都是缅甸来的，我去过缅甸，懂缅甸人，大多都很情切，很好！）

她是一个从缅甸来新加坡当女佣的缅甸女孩儿

她从新加坡的二手店看见了一个美国大学T恤

她买了

她懂她这一辈子不可能去这种地方，可有了T恤也让她觉得自已是一份子吧！一种快乐，一种无邪的属于感吧！

也许当世间什么都没有给你的时候，你才会懂得在一切切小小的乐趣中找得出快乐吧！

这世间也似乎好玩弄人，可没带走她们好多个的好啊！

也许，这世间还是好多好人的，只是世间有它的不公吧！

可看见好的人都会让你感到高兴的吧！

XXI

Without ‘us’ – is that what you want ?

It isn’t what I want ! It isn’t what I fucking want !

I had never forsook the hope, the bloody hope that we will have ‘a happily ever after’, but they say fairytales had always been meant to lie to kids ! I can’t do without you ! I can’t ! Do you even know ? I love you, with all my heart I did love you, it’s just that you didn’t love that me !

Backs against the world ; I have long saw through this world ! Maybe, I was just hoping for a kinder ending. An ending, with that you.

XXII

I didn’t want an ending without you 

But without any warning and/or blaring sirens, I was just stuffed in my face with it 

I didn’t know then of how to react, I was lost, disappointed and in pain !

No one should suffer like this, but I could have never brought myself to blame you, I love you too much, too much to blame you !

My world fell apart in those days without you, but I still did manage to pluck up sufficient courage to walk through !

Maybe, in the end, I had already realised, that you didn’t deserve my love ! I will leave it in silence for now, as I don’t want to be seen as a sore loser. I don’t think I had lost, I had likely grew stronger from this, sharper, wiser and more steady ! So maybe, thank you for all that hurting ! A funny world indeed ! For like saying sorry for tearing a flesh out of me. But never mind about that ! Haha !

Author: On Zi Rui

Titled: The world was only worthwhile to be taken when you had became of it.

(The world and all its glamour couldn’t had taken the place of you. That was not only so then, but also so now. I still think of you in every of those pathetic, lonely, aching nights, do you still know what’s love, my dear ?)

我为了她能彻底地给了我的一切

可她就是这么地没珍惜过

若能再见到她的眼眸，也没什么可惧了！

Without you, seemingly, the world is but one lost one, craving for that light.

I can’t do without you, do you know that ?

Never was I deserving of the world 

I knew. All along, I knew of it.

But when you became it 

I told myself that: “I want this whole whole fucking big big world !”

How laughable it must had been to those nobles 

You were in my eyes which were but pathetic, all of the grandiosities of this world 

But I was wrong. Fucking fucking wrong. Never was I so wrong, never had I fucking deserved you

Hahahaha ! Jokes on me ! 

But did you know ?

I did love 

Truly did love of that you 

You were once in my every every fucking dazzling, glittering ones, those dreams, I couldn’t but forget !

But in those ends, I fell so hard, for just so thinking that I had the rights like all other men of ever dreaming of those possibilities of me with you. 

In the ending, that wasn’t that fucking me and you, did you also came to realise of it ?

Author: On Zi Rui

Titled: You were there all along with me when the world didn’t but see that true me !

(She was called an ‘Ice Queen’ for all there was in the world. Maybe, she really was. Maybe, she was ever only the nicest to me, I didn’t know what I had done to had deserved her kindness. Maybe my poems and story had moved her, but I didn’t give her an ending when I found faults with her, it likely due to my unmedicated and undiscovered yet schizophrenia and that I hadn’t truly seen the world before, that was then. I am trying really hard to make up things now and I hope these words below will be but me telling you I didn’t forget of my faults. I will never forget of you Maria, you were there with me when the world but laughed sinisterly. Everything in this world, without me knowing that you are living happily, won’t matter, because it was that you there when I was just a nothing.)

From me to you :

I will never forget those years. You were so high up there then and there, you know ? You didn’t have to be nice to me, but you did, and every possible way to say thanks shall be said to be so to you. Thank you for those years, when I had nothing, I am sorry for everything that I had done to you when all you had wanted was for me to love you. I didn’t love. We didn’t came to be. Goodbyes. But the final touches to a love that was nothing but real. Real, you know ?

(You needn’t the world to understand why you were nice to me, then, and I will never forget this kindness, that was a once, a beautiful once. You must be happy ! I can’t see you not happy, you know ? I can’t forget those years, still ! I can’t !)

Author: On Zi Rui

Titled: The world was only worthwhile to be taken when you had became of it.

(The world and all its glamour couldn’t had taken the place of you. That was not only so then, but also so now. I still think of you in every of those pathetic, lonely, aching nights, do you still know what’s love, my dear ?)

我为了她能彻底地给了我的一切

可她就是这么地没珍惜过

若能再见到她的眼眸，也没什么可惧了！

Without you, seemingly, the world is but one lost one, craving for that light.

I can’t do without you, do you know that ?

Never was I deserving of the world 

I knew. All along, I knew of it.

But when you became it 

I told myself that: “I want this whole whole fucking big big world !”

How laughable it must had been to those nobles 

You were in my eyes which were but pathetic, all of the grandiosities of this world 

But I was wrong. Fucking fucking wrong. Never was I so wrong, never had I fucking deserved you

Hahahaha ! Jokes on me ! 

But did you know ?

I did love 

Truly did love of that you 

You were once in my every every fucking dazzling, glittering ones, those dreams, I couldn’t but forget !

But in those ends, I fell so hard, for just so thinking that I had the rights like all other men of ever dreaming of those possibilities of me with you. 

In the ending, that wasn’t that fucking me and you, did you also came to realise of it ?

Author: On Zi Rui

Titled: You were there all along with me when the world didn’t but see that true me !

(She was called an ‘Ice Queen’ for all there was in the world. Maybe, she really was. Maybe, she was ever only the nicest to me, I didn’t know what I had done to had deserved her kindness. Maybe my poems and story had moved her, but I didn’t give her an ending when I found faults with her, it likely due to my unmedicated and undiscovered yet schizophrenia and that I hadn’t truly seen the world before, that was then. I am trying really hard to make up things now and I hope these words below will be but me telling you I didn’t forget of my faults. I will never forget of you Maria, you were there with me when the world but laughed sinisterly. Everything in this world, without me knowing that you are living happily, won’t matter, because it was that you there when I was just a nothing.)

From me to you :

I will never forget those years. You were so high up there then and there, you know ? You didn’t have to be nice to me, but you did, and every possible way to say thanks shall be said to be so to you. Thank you for those years, when I had nothing, I am sorry for everything that I had done to you when all you had wanted was for me to love you. I didn’t love. We didn’t came to be. Goodbyes. But the final touches to a love that was nothing but real. Real, you know ?

(You needn’t the world to understand why you were nice to me, then, and I will never forget this kindness, that was a once, a beautiful once. You must be happy ! I can’t see you not happy, you know ? I can’t forget those years, still ! I can’t !)

Author: On Zi Rui

Titled: The world was only worthwhile to be taken when you had became of it.

(The world and all its glamour couldn’t had taken the place of you. That was not only so then, but also so now. I still think of you in every of those pathetic, lonely, aching nights, do you still know what’s love, my dear ?)

我为了她能彻底地给了我的一切

可她就是这么地没珍惜过

若能再见到她的眼眸，也没什么可惧了！

Without you, seemingly, the world is but one lost one, craving for that light.

I can’t do without you, do you know that ?

Never was I deserving of the world 

I knew. All along, I knew of it.

But when you became it 

I told myself that: “I want this whole whole fucking big big world !”

How laughable it must had been to those nobles 

You were in my eyes which were but pathetic, all of the grandiosities of this world 

But I was wrong. Fucking fucking wrong. Never was I so wrong, never had I fucking deserved you

Hahahaha ! Jokes on me ! 

But did you know ?

I did love 

Truly did love of that you 

You were once in my every every fucking dazzling, glittering ones, those dreams, I couldn’t but forget !

But in those ends, I fell so hard, for just so thinking that I had the rights like all other men of ever dreaming of those possibilities of me with you. 

In the ending, that wasn’t that fucking me and you, did you also came to realise of it ?

Author: On Zi Rui

Titled: You were there all along with me when the world didn’t but see that true me !

(She was called an ‘Ice Queen’ for all there was in the world. Maybe, she really was. Maybe, she was ever only the nicest to me, I didn’t know what I had done to had deserved her kindness. Maybe my poems and story had moved her, but I didn’t give her an ending when I found faults with her, it likely due to my unmedicated and undiscovered yet schizophrenia and that I hadn’t truly seen the world before, that was then. I am trying really hard to make up things now and I hope these words below will be but me telling you I didn’t forget of my faults. I will never forget of you Maria, you were there with me when the world but laughed sinisterly. Everything in this world, without me knowing that you are living happily, won’t matter, because it was that you there when I was just a nothing.)

From me to you :

I will never forget those years. You were so high up there then and there, you know ? You didn’t have to be nice to me, but you did, and every possible way to say thanks shall be said to be so to you. Thank you for those years, when I had nothing, I am sorry for everything that I had done to you when all you had wanted was for me to love you. I didn’t love. We didn’t came to be. Goodbyes. But the final touches to a love that was nothing but real. Real, you know ?

(You needn’t the world to understand why you were nice to me, then, and I will never forget this kindness, that was a once, a beautiful once. You must be happy ! I can’t see you not happy, you know ? I can’t forget those years, still ! I can’t !)

Author: On Zi Rui

Titled: The world was only worthwhile to be taken when you had became of it.

(The world and all its glamour couldn’t had taken the place of you. That was not only so then, but also so now. I still think of you in every of those pathetic, lonely, aching nights, do you still know what’s love, my dear ?)

我为了她能彻底地给了我的一切

可她就是这么地没珍惜过

若能再见到她的眼眸，也没什么可惧了！

Without you, seemingly, the world is but one lost one, craving for that light.

I can’t do without you, do you know that ?

Never was I deserving of the world 

I knew. All along, I knew of it.

But when you became it 

I told myself that: “I want this whole whole fucking big big world !”

How laughable it must had been to those nobles 

You were in my eyes which were but pathetic, all of the grandiosities of this world 

But I was wrong. Fucking fucking wrong. Never was I so wrong, never had I fucking deserved you

Hahahaha ! Jokes on me ! 

But did you know ?

I did love 

Truly did love of that you 

You were once in my every every fucking dazzling, glittering ones, those dreams, I couldn’t but forget !

But in those ends, I fell so hard, for just so thinking that I had the rights like all other men of ever dreaming of those possibilities of me with you. 

In the ending, that wasn’t that fucking me and you, did you also came to realise of it ?

Author: On Zi Rui

Titled: You were there all along with me when the world didn’t but see that true me !

(She was called an ‘Ice Queen’ for all there was in the world. Maybe, she really was. Maybe, she was ever only the nicest to me, I didn’t know what I had done to had deserved her kindness. Maybe my poems and story had moved her, but I didn’t give her an ending when I found faults with her, it likely due to my unmedicated and undiscovered yet schizophrenia and that I hadn’t truly seen the world before, that was then. I am trying really hard to make up things now and I hope these words below will be but me telling you I didn’t forget of my faults. I will never forget of you Maria, you were there with me when the world but laughed sinisterly. Everything in this world, without me knowing that you are living happily, won’t matter, because it was that you there when I was just a nothing.)

From me to you :

I will never forget those years. You were so high up there then and there, you know ? You didn’t have to be nice to me, but you did, and every possible way to say thanks shall be said to be so to you. Thank you for those years, when I had nothing, I am sorry for everything that I had done to you when all you had wanted was for me to love you. I didn’t love. We didn’t came to be. Goodbyes. But the final touches to a love that was nothing but real. Real, you know ?

(You needn’t the world to understand why you were nice to me, then, and I will never forget this kindness, that was a once, a beautiful once. You must be happy ! I can’t see you not happy, you know ? I can’t forget those years, still ! I can’t !)

Comments on The Ring Boxing Community and SGMC Capital, Singapore companies, founded by Ruchdi Hajjar who is from Monaco:

The Ring Boxing Community caused my leg to break. Don’t allow me to call ambulance and forced me to take taxi to hospital with broken leg likely so that I can’t pursue justice. Tells me CCTVs are dummy CCTVs after sending lawyer letter. Refusing to give me justice. In a way they wronged me. Sinister group of peoples. I am not afraid of them suing me because what I say are but the truths.The Co-Founder Ruchdi has hair problems and I feel disgusted by him. Telling the truth.

Ruchdi owner of The Ring Boxing Community in a way you refuse to allow me to have ambulance take me to hospital when I broke my leg and you refuse to give me the CCTV footage, you want to see injustice just because of your disgusting jealousy ? You are a joke ! Come sue me lah ! Come lah ! Broke my leg and still want to bully me !!!!

Ruchdi the Monacan owner of this company is an evil and disgustingly jealous person. If you aren’t Ruchdi come sue me lah !!!!

Comments on The Ring Boxing Community and SGMC Capital, Singapore companies, founded by Ruchdi Hajjar who is from Monaco:

The Ring Boxing Community caused my leg to break. Don’t allow me to call ambulance and forced me to take taxi to hospital with broken leg likely so that I can’t pursue justice. Tells me CCTVs are dummy CCTVs after sending lawyer letter. Refusing to give me justice. In a way they wronged me. Sinister group of peoples. I am not afraid of them suing me because what I say are but the truths.The Co-Founder Ruchdi has hair problems and I feel disgusted by him. Telling the truth.

Ruchdi owner of The Ring Boxing Community in a way you refuse to allow me to have ambulance take me to hospital when I broke my leg and you refuse to give me the CCTV footage, you want to see injustice just because of your disgusting jealousy ? You are a joke ! Come sue me lah ! Come lah ! Broke my leg and still want to bully me !!!!

Ruchdi the Monacan owner of this company is an evil and disgustingly jealous person. If you aren’t Ruchdi come sue me lah !!!!

Comments on The Ring Boxing Community and SGMC Capital, Singapore companies, founded by Ruchdi Hajjar who is from Monaco:

The Ring Boxing Community caused my leg to break. Don’t allow me to call ambulance and forced me to take taxi to hospital with broken leg likely so that I can’t pursue justice. Tells me CCTVs are dummy CCTVs after sending lawyer letter. Refusing to give me justice. In a way they wronged me. Sinister group of peoples. I am not afraid of them suing me because what I say are but the truths.The Co-Founder Ruchdi has hair problems and I feel disgusted by him. Telling the truth.

Ruchdi owner of The Ring Boxing Community in a way you refuse to allow me to have ambulance take me to hospital when I broke my leg and you refuse to give me the CCTV footage, you want to see injustice just because of your disgusting jealousy ? You are a joke ! Come sue me lah ! Come lah ! Broke my leg and still want to bully me !!!!

Ruchdi the Monacan owner of this company is an evil and disgustingly jealous person. If you aren’t Ruchdi come sue me lah !!!!

Come Ruchdi Hajjar collude and send police cars on me again like the few times you have done already to try to intimidate me. They see you as some high up white man, and they are cock eye, like Lee Hsien Loong who had insulted Master President Putin in a way, in my eyes Master President Putin is a man worthwhile of my emulation in many ways. They only count monetary power, but if we talk about true hard power do they have ? They take Master President Putin’s magnanimity as something they can tarnish, their sickening.

Ruchdi Hajjar, even your that petty dirty Monaco monarch of yours was never deserving to speak of my name then, moreover now, they are cock eye, Monaco is just a tax haven that I feel sickening, like you Ruchdi Hajjar it is a gutless dirty filthy petty place.

Those that look me down in the Singapore Police Force how I hope one day you will realise how wrong you were. But man that rises from humble backgrounds never did ever fear of you corrupted people, I had seen worst, to irritate me you think, will just make me more determined to succeed !

Come Ruchdi Hajjar collude and send police cars on me again like the few times you have done already to try to intimidate me. They see you as some high up white man, and they are cock eye, like Lee Hsien Loong who had insulted Master President Putin in a way, in my eyes Master President Putin is a man worthwhile of my emulation in many ways. They only count monetary power, but if we talk about true hard power do they have ? They take Master President Putin’s magnanimity as something they can tarnish, their sickening.

Ruchdi Hajjar, even your that petty dirty Monaco monarch of yours was never deserving to speak of my name then, moreover now, they are cock eye, Monaco is just a tax haven that I feel sickening, like you Ruchdi Hajjar it is a gutless dirty filthy petty place.

Those that look me down in the Singapore Police Force how I hope one day you will realise how wrong you were. But man that rises from humble backgrounds never did ever fear of you corrupted people, I had seen worst, to irritate me you think, will just make me more determined to succeed !